Waste Management
Trash can get...tricky.
Hello Neighbors,
It has been brought to the attention of the Committee for Community Correspondence (CCC) that several people are having difficulty properly disposing of particular and everyday waste and detritus. We’ve taken the liberty of speaking with Town Waste Commissioner, Sharon Eames, who we interviewed about correct methods of waste management. Read on for tips, tricks, and what-not-to-do’s!
CCC: Sharon, thank you so much for sitting down with us!
SE: You’re welcome but to be honest, I was a little surprised when you called and asked me to do this again.
CCC: Again?
SE: Yes…we sat down just like this right after The Fall. I mean, I’m happy to go over things again as a refresher, but you don’t seem to recall the last time.
CCC: Oh, Sharon I’m so sorry! You’ll have to forgive me I’ve—
SE: …slept since then. Yeah, that’s what you said last time too.
CCC: …
SE: Let’s just move on. There’s no sense in bringing it up if only one of us remembers.
CCC: Okay…let’s get started with proper disposal of paper.
SE: Yes, there are all kinds of methods you can use for paper disposal—just be aware that the paper can potentially react with any method you choose, so don’t be alarmed.
CCC: React?
SE: Yes. Now, when you’re burning documents it’s best to do so using a secure furnace and the key is to feed the documents in slowly. This isn’t something you want to do in a hurry. You’ll also want to do small batches at a time. For former-State and former-Federal documents—like from the IRS, some court documents, and things of that nature—keep in mind that you may hear loud shrieks or screams as they’re being burnt to a crisp. This is totally normal and nothing to be worried about. Just keep feeding the flame. Another method is to simply trash the documents, but I highly suggest ripping them into small pieces. And honestly, the smaller the better because those documents can be sneaky and they do like to piece themselves back together, if the scraps are big enough.
CCC: Now, for those in the community asking about how to dispose of branches and other natural debris, what do you suggest they do?
SE: So to dispose of organic materials, it’s always best to bundle large branches with twine. Smaller branches and leaves can be gathered into paper bags. From there, I recommend contacting us at Town Waste to schedule a time to pick everything up.
CCC: Mhm, and what happens to th—
SE: You know I can’t disclose what happens to the materials from there.
CCC: Oh, well I jus—
SE: I keep telling you we’ve done this before.
CCC: My apologies.
SE: I said it’s fine. I just don’t know what’s happening.
CCC: …
CCC & SE: Alright then, let’s talk about cardboard!
SE: With cardboard, you actually have a lot of recycling options. What’s even better is that you can add cardboard to compost!
CCC: …
SE: Aren’t you gonna mention the garden?
CCC: Well, I didn’t want to repeat anything I’ve already said.
SE: No, go on.
CCC: Well since you mentioned it, yes. Real Roots Community Garden is currently accepting all compostable donations now through October 1st!
SE: Wonderful! And if you just want to get rid of all the extra cardboard you have lying around, I would again recommend contacting Town Waste to come collect it. Cardboard should be shredded and we have the tools for the job.
CCC: Alright and lastly, there are those who are still finding some rubble of former-america in their yards, in the woods, and elsewhere. How do they properly dispose of these things?
SE: Town Waste has actually had our “American Disposal” initiative in full effect since The Fall. You might notice the large red dumpsters scattered across town—they’re pretty hard to miss. We’ve actually just installed a new one in the parking lot on the corner of Parrish and Adlon. In the 5 years that these dumpsters have been installed, we’ve collected astonishingly small amounts of material.
CCC: Really?
SE: Surprisingly, yes. Some of our dumpsters are completely empty. We installed the new one in hopes that it might be more accessible to a larger area of the community.
CCC: Why do you think it is that people aren’t bringing what they find to the disposals?
SE: It’s hard to say, but we’ve done some studies. One woman actually found George Washington’s infamous teeth sticking out of the ground while she was working in her front yard. She kept them for about a month even though there’s a disposal at the end of her street. When she was asked why she held onto them for so long, she said she thought of it as a souvenir or a trophy, which I understand.
CCC: Well what made her decide to eventually dump them?
SE: Oh, well they started biting her.
CCC: Oh!
SE: Yes—very upsetting. I just want to urge anyone who reads this: when disposing of countries, it is hugely important not to bring any pieces of it into your home. Sneakiest of all, the rubble of collapsed countries seems to seduce its discoverers into bringing it inside their homes as a way to latch onto the discoverer and create feelings of patriotism by inducing false nostalgia and severe mis-remembrance of events, presumably making it easier to eventually reinstate previous conditions.
CCC: Who knew waste management was so scientific?
SE: Oh, it’s very serious. We don’t just collect trash. We’ve been cleaning up the same mess for 5 years and we’ve had to study everything we’ve received in that time.
CCC: Well, we’re all grateful for everything that you do.
SE: Mhm.
CCC: I said that last time, didn’t I?
SE: Mhm.
CCC: Okay.
Neighborhood Watch | …no one needs you like you need you.
This week’s message from Neighborhood Watch was channeled by KD Rowe*
you have all you need.
all of you is all you need.
each of you is all you need.
no one needs you like you need you.
we need you to survive and we need you to survive.**
We love you. You are seen and sustained.
—Your Neighborhood Watch
News & Events About Town
*Update*: At least a half-dozen reports have come in claiming to have seen Forrest Fiars just outside the Phoenix Town border. At this time, it is unknown whether she remains on the outskirts of town. While it is highly unlikely, given Fiars’ previous history, the community is urged to welcome her into Phoenix Town. It is important to note that she must come willingly and should not be forced under any circumstances.
*Update*: Hoodies have been reinstated, while robed and/or hooded figures remain STRICTLY prohibited.
New Neighbor Spotlight | Deya Hayes
Originally from: Smyrna, GA
Aided in The Fall: by camouflaging large groups of resistors fleeing to Phoenix Town.
Favorite Color: F%*king Yellow
Favorite Song: Fire by Mother’s Finest
Hobbies: hellions, rebellions, and seedless watermelon
Horoscopes, August 11 | by Adjua Gargi Nzinga Greaves
This Week’s Community Action - CLOSE THAT DOOR! YOU’RE LETTING OUT ALL THE GOOD AIR!!
Remember, Neighborhood Watch is watching.
This has been your bi-weekly newsletter.
—I’m your Neighbor, Sasha Banks. Under the eyes of the future.
image one, photographed by Sasha Banks
image two, photographed by Patricia Gutiérrez Monllor
image three, photographed by Delphine Diallo
poem, “We Moon Goons, Hymn Thirteen” from Baddie Hymnal 2022 appears courtesy of Adjua Gargi Nzinga Greaves
** inspired by Janae “Juh Weems” Williams
i need to know why the CCC doesn’t remember this conversation! lol and, composting america?? 🔥🤙🏾